Great Quotes - Funny Quotes - Love Quotes

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Letter "F" » Funny
«My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.»
Author: Ashleigh Brilliant (Author, Cartoonist) | About: Funny | Keywords: audience, complete
«My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.»
Author: Dame Edna Everage | About: Friends, Funny, Strangers
«My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.»
Author: Ellen DeGeneres (Actress, Comedian) | About: Funny | Keywords: Five Days, grandmother, grandmothers, miles, ninety-seven, ninety, seven, sixty, started
«My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.»
Author: Erma Bombeck | About: Funny | Keywords: bathroom, bathrooms, car, groceries, grocery, kids, perceived, The Car, unload, unloaded, unloading
«My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.»
Author: Eric Morecambe (Comedian) | About: Funny, Neighbors | Keywords: neighbour
«My favorite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail.»
Author: Steve Buscemi (Actor) | About: Acting, Funny, Movies, Sense of humor | Keywords: cinematic, junk, junk mail, mail
«My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance»
Author: Tim Allen (Actor, Comedian) | About: Funny | Keywords: lawn, maintenance, mom, vehicle
«My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.»
Author: Walter Matthau | About: Doctors, Funny, Living | Keywords: bill, billed, billing, doctor, gave, months, six, The Bill
«Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle»
Author: Heinrich Heine (Poet, Writer) | About: Funny, Wedding | Keywords: reminds, weddings
«My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.»
Author: Jerry Seinfeld (Actor, Comedian) | About: Comedy, Family, Funny, Law and lawyers, Parents | Keywords: Florida, sixty
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