Great Quotes - Funny Quotes - Love Quotes

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Letter "F" » Funny
«Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.»
«I was hooked on writing. I mean, where else can you get paid for sticking your nose into somebody else's business?»
«Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their head off, rolling them up in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead!»
Author: Colin Mochrie | About: Funny, Murder
«Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.»
«Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.»
«I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks»
«I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a deserter. What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants»
«I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up»
«Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!»
«Joey: Beth is really sick, I don't think they can do anything for her.Rachel: Joey, wanna put the book in the freezer?»
Author: Friends | About: Books, Funny

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