Great Quotes - Funny Quotes - Love Quotes
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Letter "F" » Funny
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«I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.»
Author: Fran Lebowitz
(Humorist, Writer)
| About:
Chance,
Funny
| Keywords:
calculation, chances, identical, lotteries, lottery
«I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.»
«All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.»
«I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...»
«I used to have a sign over my computer that read OLD DOGS CAN LEARN NEW TRICKS, but lately I sometimes ask myself how many more new tricks I want to learn. Wouldn?t it be easier just to be outdated?»
«I was raised in the West. The West of texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.»
Author: George Bush
(President)
| About:
Funny
| Keywords:
California, raised, Texas, the West, Washington, West
«If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.»
«I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
| About:
Funny,
Television
| Keywords:
available, bitch, complicated, denomination, denominations, envelope, envelopes, fuck, fucker, Fuckin, good luck, hopefully, invent, Late Night, mailman, one shot, payment, payments, plants, seal, shot, shrivel, shriveled, shrivels, shrivel up, stamps
«I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.»
«I would rather have an inferiority complex and be pleasantly surprised, than have a superiority complex and be rudely awakened.»
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