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Letter "A" » Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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«DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
| Keywords:
baptism, deluge, deluges, The Deluge
«GRAPE, n.Hail noble fruit! --by Homer sung, Anacreon and Khayyam; Thy praise is ever on the tongue Of better men than I am.The lyre in my hand has never swept, The song I cannot offer: My humbler service pray accept -- I'll help to kill the scoffer.The water-drinkers and the cranks Who load their skins with liquor -- I'll gladly bear their belly-tanks And tap them with my sticker.Fill up, fill up, for wisdom cools When e'er we let the wine rest. Here's death to Prohibition's fools, And every kind of vine-pest! --Jamrach Holobom»
«GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.Habeam, geographer of wide reknown, Native of Abu-Keber's ancient town, In passing thence along the river Zam To the adjacent village of Xelam, Bewildered by the multitude of roads, Got lost, lived long on migratory toads, Then from exposure miserably died, And grateful travelers bewailed their guide. --Henry Haukhorn»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
| Keywords:
ABU, adjacent, bewailed, bewildered, geographer, geographers, Henry, in passing, migratory, miserably, off-hand, offhand, roads, toads
«GLUTTON, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
| Keywords:
committing, dyspepsia, glutton, gluttons
«CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.»
«CONSUL, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure and office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
| Keywords:
American politics, consul, leave office
«CONTEMPT, n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.»
«CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.»
«FORK, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
| Keywords:
assist, employed, fork, knife, striking
«FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.The savage dies --they sacrifice a horse To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse. Our friends expire --we make the money fly In hope their souls will chase it to the sky. --Jex Wopley»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
| Keywords:
attest, attested, Corse, Dead Horse, deepening, deepens, doubles, enriching, expire, flying horse, hunting ground, pageant, pageants, respect for the dead, strengthen, The Undertaker
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